When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?