All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"