One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.