Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (561)

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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.

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  (561): I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/c2xb
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  Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.

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  (561): Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences. http://tfl.nu/x85v
  Replies (2) Good night (405) Bad night (789)
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  jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.

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  (561): jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect. http://tfl.nu/vkgr
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (212)
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  I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.

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  (561): I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished. http://tfl.nu/wm2d
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  I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly

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  (561): I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly http://tfl.nu/d11t
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  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
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  She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.

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  (561): She thinks Jesus was an astronaut. http://tfl.nu/koey
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  Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.

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  (561): Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way. http://tfl.nu/yi36
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  Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?

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  (561): Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club? http://tfl.nu/vdph
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  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4014) Bad night (407)
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  Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.

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  (561): Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry. http://tfl.nu/ip0u
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  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

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  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (748) Bad night (1339)
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  There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door

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  (561): There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door http://tfl.nu/csf9
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  No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.

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  (561): No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise. http://tfl.nu/h521
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  She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.

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  How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??

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  (561): She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation. (315): How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives?? http://tfl.nu/1ctg
  Replies (3) Good night (1726) Bad night (581)