I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way