I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.