Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (561)

Last Night in Florida (561)

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She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.

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How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??

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(561): She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation. (315): How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives?? http://tfl.nu/1ctg

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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.

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(561): Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch. http://tfl.nu/p878

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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.

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(561): The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED. http://tfl.nu/purq

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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it

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(561): There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it http://tfl.nu/iil4

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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you

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I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.

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(561): I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you (860): I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/r7r6

Replies (5) Good night (1249) Bad night (354)
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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(561): I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers. http://tfl.nu/3qln

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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.

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(561): We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave. http://tfl.nu/7zum

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Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future

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(561): Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future http://tfl.nu/peo6

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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.

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(561): Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets. http://tfl.nu/6ng8

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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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(561): I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line? http://tfl.nu/0ivn

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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.

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(561): The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year. http://tfl.nu/xsav

Replies (2) Good night (1300) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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(561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p

Replies (5) Good night (1827) Bad night (498)
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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(561): Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?! http://tfl.nu/98de

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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.

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(561): I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life. http://tfl.nu/gxts

Replies (2) Good night (1508) Bad night (774)
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined

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(561): I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined http://tfl.nu/31mt

Replies (2) Good night (769) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in Florida (561)

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