P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does