Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.