In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave