VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
7 Great Movies – with Drinking Games that Make them Even Better
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
15 Things You’ll Miss About College – and 7 Things You Definitely Won’t
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be