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Your cock deserves a montage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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