I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
