When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.