Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
God, I missed his penis.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are my eyebrows?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.