Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes