Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?