No...this little piggys going to the bar
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.