So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.