last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...