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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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