Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?