she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?