So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.