sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?