I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.