Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand