I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.