I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with