After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!