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Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying

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(202): either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying http://tfl.nu/ahxy

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Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4

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I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

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______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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(202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d

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Do you have swine flu?

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I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

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(202): Do you have swine flu? (1-202): I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine. (1-202): Pigs, yes. Swine, no. http://tfl.nu/dq8y

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first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

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we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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(202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh

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so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?

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(202): so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis? http://tfl.nu/6d0w

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I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god

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you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary

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(202): I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god (202): you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary http://tfl.nu/3z0i

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if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate

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(202): if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate http://tfl.nu/kvt4

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i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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(202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy

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Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?

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(202): Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything? http://tfl.nu/mm5c

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My first STD was from a foam party

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(202): My first STD was from a foam party http://tfl.nu/z9i4

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Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music

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(202): Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music http://tfl.nu/ve57

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Who haven't you slept with?

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No one comes to mind.

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(202): Who haven't you slept with? (703): No one comes to mind. http://tfl.nu/pw54

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Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

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(202): Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain. http://tfl.nu/eu7i

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if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.

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(202): if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision. http://tfl.nu/8vkq

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Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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