Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.