they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys