He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.