I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be