He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule