I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad