Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
17 year olds will be the death of me.