Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.