I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
