she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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