You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.