I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.