Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth