can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.