I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.