The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time