He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.