I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep