They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock