if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like