picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.