Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.