I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.