She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."