1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.