yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.