you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I understand Curling. That high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman