I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I understand Curling. That high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.