then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions