Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!