We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.