The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.