Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (360)

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  Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day

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  (360): Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day http://tfl.nu/ig75
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  Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.

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  (360): Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down. http://tfl.nu/bwrh
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  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

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  That changes everything.

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  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
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  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

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  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
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  I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties

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  (360): I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties http://tfl.nu/4hbe
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  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

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  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
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  my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it

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  (360): my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it http://tfl.nu/8lil
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  on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?

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  (360): on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you? http://tfl.nu/kgxf
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  He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

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  (360): He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees http://tfl.nu/gf2k
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  whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.

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  (360): whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind. http://tfl.nu/pllx
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  my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

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  (360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test http://tfl.nu/rgpa
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  kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.

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  (360): kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight. http://tfl.nu/tvlr
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  not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.

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  (360): not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible. http://tfl.nu/ukgo
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  just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college

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  (360): just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college http://tfl.nu/r8zm
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  I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

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  (360): I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier. http://tfl.nu/3der
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