You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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