HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I touched a dick in church today
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