I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.