"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.