High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.