I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay