Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?