Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?