I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG