He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference