so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.