Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)