What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.