I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.