I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.