just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting