Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.