hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
please come you make the beer taste better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.