My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
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I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.