Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
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I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
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idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...