I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday