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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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