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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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