I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.