I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.