you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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