Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.