He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes