Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together