I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
