How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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