Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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